Scars

My feelings may deceive me, but God never has and he never will. Sometimes I need to feel the cold ground I’ve stumbled on before I can take hold of the outstretched arm of grace he extends for me. Last night I collided with some of the pain in my heart and the only thing I knew to do was write. This is what came out and I pray it draws you nearer to our always loving Savior like it did for me:

I feel like I have everyone to talk to and no one to talk to. When I have good news and encouraging things to share I feel like my friendships abound. But now that I feel broken, and I can’t seem to put words to this carnival ride inside of me that leaves me feeling upside down and inside out, I don’t know where to go or who to turn to. All I want to do is hide away in the strong arms of my Savior. I’m hurting. I know the way to peace, but it’s like I’ve lost my vision and my voice. I don’t know where to walk. I don’t know what to say. Though I know my Solid Rock will keep me standing, I’ve never felt so unsteady. I fear the whole world looking at me and writing me off as a disappointment without a second thought. After I’ve been sifted like wheat, who is left? Who, then, remains? Only Jesus. Only Jesus. There is none but Jesus.

And as the scars are being driven into my real and true life story, he says, “I love you. You are mine forever. I loved you then. I love you now. My love for you will always be. Look at my scars. Just as my scars show my love for you, so your scars show my love. I want to show you my love, and through you I want to shine my love. But how can a light shine through a jar of clay? No, you must be broken so my light will break through. Look at my scars. Come to me and drink from my life-giving fountain. I know you are thirsty and your soul needs rest. I’ve brought you here so I can be that for you. I want to be everything for you from now through eternity. I love you. You are mine forever.”
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