I feel as though I am drowning in ocean waters, desperate to propel myself to the surface so I can finally breathe in the air I long for – the air I need to survive.
Just as I find my fear that enables me to thrash myself out of the deep, someone grabs my hand and says, “Come with me. We are not finished here yet. I want to take you deeper. There is more I want to show you, treasures hidden beneath the ocean floor. I know your needs long before you do. Do you trust me?”
Engulfed in panic, I hear him. Lost in thoughts of abandonment, I feel him. Suffocating in insecurity, I cry out to him.
My Rescue holds me by the hand as he takes me deeper for the glory of his name, and ultimately, for my good.
I have walked through situations God has used to fashion my faith and strengthen my character, but never like this.
When I was 13, my 17-year-old cousin, Tiffany, died in a car crash.
When I was 17, my boyfriend cheated on me.
When I was 18, God called me to surrender my dreams and my future to him by committing to serve him in ministry.
When I was 20, God commanded me to leave my comfort zone of Texas A&M University, and follow him into the unknown, which later became Baylor University.
When I was 21, God sent me on a plane all by myself to serve him alongside strangers in South Africa for five months.
This year, at 23, God has challenged me with how I spend my days as I open up a whole new world of possibility. He is positioning me to forsake all else as I cling to him, and him only.
After applying for 50 jobs, and getting the same negative response or none whatsoever, I can honestly say nothing has strengthened me and my hope in Jesus like this.
I am tempted to rush to the surface of self-security, but I know the Lord wants to take me deeper. There is more he wants to show me, treasures hidden beneath the ocean floor of fear and self-doubt we still need to uncover. My Creator is also my Sustainer – he knows my needs long before I do. He is asking me to trust him, and all I can say in the midst of the waters is, “I do.”