Caught off guard by my reflection tonight,
I felt these words crusade my mind:
“I hate who I have become.”

Body shaking, weeping, gasping –
who is this girl looking back at me?
I preach identity,
but I’m tangled in the lies.
I feel hated, rejected, unwanted and despised.

I’ve deserted my redeemer.
I’ve stopped gazing with his eyes.
Gossip, slander, envy and pride,
no matter how hard I try to hide,
still sneak into my everyday life.

“It is finished!” he said
before he breathed his last.
These transgressions have been paid for,
let them suffocate with the past.

For I am a new creation
thanks to Jesus Christ.
I face no condemnation
because God’s wrath is satisfied.
Over 2,000 years ago Jesus died
not for his sin, but for mine.

I am free in his forgiveness.
I am alive in his grace.
I am wanted in his mercy.
I am rescued from this place.
I am a citizen of heaven.
This place is not my home.
I have been forever washed with the blood of Jesus Christ.
I am no longer my own.

So as I stand face-to-face
with the thoughts that filled my mind
just moments ago,
I’m faced with a choice:
to give in or let go.

Jesus, help me let go
of these self-destructive lies
that fill my head.
Overwhelm me with your Spirit
as I lay me down to bed.
I am yours and yours forever
and that’s never going to change.
I am chosen and I’m loved
on my best and worst day.

It is finished in you Jesus.
You have paid for my pain.
It is finished in you Jesus.
You have suffered my shame.
It is finished in you Jesus.
May tonight become the past.
It is finished in you Jesus.
Let me pray “Amen” at last.


4 thoughts on “Suffocate

  1. cactusqueen says:

    I think every believer has been here, Meghan. We wax and wane, but He is faithful–the only truly constant in our lives. I think what’s beautiful here is that you’re real about it. And I think God allows us to go through these times so that we’re relatable. And people who are relatable stay humble–right where God wants us, reliant on Him to get to the next step of the journey. Love you!


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